From the 2001 Darwin Awards
5th runner-up: David Hubal, a 22-year-old ski enthusiast and prankster. While engaging in some late-nite tomfoolery on the slopes, Hubal and pals stole a yellow foam protector off one of the lift towers at Mammoth ski resort so they could use it as a sled. Unfortunately, the moron rocketed right into that very same unprotected lift-tower at catastrophic speeds, offing himself.

4th Runner-up: Robert Puelo, a 32-year-old troublemaker who wanted to intimidate a Saint Louis Kwikee-Mart clerk, so he grabbed a hot-dog off the warming rack, stuffed it into his mouth, and walked out the door without paying. Later, cops found the miscreant lying dead in the parking lot, a six-inch wiener lodged in his throat.

3rd Runner-up: Marino Malerba, a Spanish hunter who shot a stag standing above him on an overhanging rock and was killed when the animal fell on top of him, antlers-first.

2nd Runner-up: Jerry Stromyer, a West Virginia party animal who popped a blasting cap into his mouth during a backyard bash and bit down, triggering an explosion that blew off his lips, teeth, and tongue. He survived, but Mr. Darwin gives Jerry an "A" for effort!

1st Runner-up: Tony Roberts, 25, who wanted to be a member of Mountain Men Anonymous so badly that he agreed to let a friend try and shoot a beer can off his head - with a crossbow - as an initiation. The bolt entered Roberts' right eye and exited the rear of his skull, but it managed to miss every major blood vessel and it didn't even touch his brain (which isn't really all that surprising, when you think about it). He survived, but another "A" for effort, here.

And now for the WINNERS! This year's Darwin Award for Natural Selection at it's Best goes to the head-banging duo of John Pernicky and Sal Hawkins, two hard-core Metalica fans from Washington state. The head-banging buds were royally bummed about not being able to score tickets to the Metalica concert at the George Washington amphitheater, so they decided to drive up behind the place, listen to the music echoing from the inside, and get piss drunk. After getting thoroughly blotto, the boys decided to climb the 9 foot wall - the only thing that stood between them and their idols - and crash the concert. They backed their pick-up truck to the fence, and Pernicky was the first to go over. He was also the first to discover that their was a thirty foot drop on the other side of the wall. He crashed down through a tree until a branch snagged his underwear, trapping him in a wedgie, 20 feet above the ground. Looking down, Pernicky spotted some bushes that might soften his fall. So he took out his knife and cut off his undies, and plunged into a clump of holly bushes, causing a holly branch to penetrate deeply into his anus. And, oh yeah… he stabbed himself with the knife. Meanwhile, Sal figures out that all is not well. He jumps on the wall and spies his injured cohort writhing and bleeding on the ground below. So he tosses Pernicky a rope, ties it to the bumper of the pick up, gets behind the wheel, accidentally throws it into reverse, and hits the gas… When the police arrived, they found Hawkins' lifeless body 100 feet away from the truck. When they moved the truck, they found Pernicky's corpse underneath it, half-naked, a holly stick up his ass, a knife embedded in his thigh, and his shorts dangling from a tree branch 25 feet overhead. You know, that's exactly the way yer old pal Jerky wants to leave this world!